Oldddd

That's how I feel.

I wore my Britney Spears T-shirt I got in 2000 today, that was 10 years ago. I was seven. God, where does the time go?

It seems like yesterday I was at Girl Scouts Camp, crossing the bridge of friendship. Good lord. Where does imagination like that go?

Where did childhood go?
People say that they are "kids at heart", but really, nobody is. Yes, I realize this is very pessimistic. But do you not realize it is true?
We're just holding onto the best of our lives by saying that. Nobody dreams like a child does. Guaranteed, we try. Or at least I do.
I wish I still could go and build blanket forts and make up clubs and not feel silly about it. I wish I didn't have to have a reason.
I wish, I wish, I wish...and what good comes out of wishing?
How about I just act like a kid when I want to and nobody worry me about it? Okay? Yeah.
No. Society gets in the way there.

When did childhood leave?
I'm sure it's not at the same time for everyone. I mean, I still think I'm a kid. A teenager, but I'm not an adult. I'm not ready to support other people. I just realized today that I got my stupid Britney Spears T-shirt TEN YEARS AGO.
It feels absurd to say that.
I guess it's a coming-of-age thing.

Why do I have so many questions?
Ask anyone who knows me, I don't take things as they are. I'm always asking, "Why?", and more often than not, it gets me into trouble (Ask my mother).
I've always heard that coffee stunts your growth, but today I refused to believe it. Jess could not get me to accept it. I decided that I'm going to ask Mrs. Tharp in the morning, since she would probably know about the chemical that would do that sort of thing. She is one smart lady.
But really, Why didn't I have an argument against that until now?

Because I was a kid, and I believed in everything.

Wasn't that wonderful?
I miss it. I miss my brother.
In truth, I don't remember much of my childhood at my mother's house. I remember my room, and movies I watched, and our pets, but I have no idea what I did all day before we moved into our own house...and I still don't remember much about that. The golden days of my youth (as if it's over, HAH!) were in the sand-pit in Ward, AR at my dad's house, where I used to hate going in the summers. Yet now I realize, I loved it, as much as I resisted it, I loved it. Because I miss it more than anything, especially now that the subdivision is expanding into my beloved mind's play-ground.

I'm not trying to be cynical. This is just kind of a stream-of-consciousness, thing. Typing as words come to mind, yaknow? Tomato.

I adore jazz. gah. Does that make me old, too?
I'm not even 18. I prefer records to mp3's any day, film to digital, and clothing from past decades and even centuries as opposed to $100 buckle jeans or $50 t-shirts from abercrombie.

I'm so weird.