Even though the ship sinks,

You know you

can't

let

go.

"Barnacles" by Ugly Casanova. It's in my playlist.

I've discovered that I have a freakish tendency to love. I love a LOT of things, tons of people.

I love. It's what I do. (Don't take that the wrong way).

Whether or not if a certain person has been in my life for a very short or very long amount of time, I've found that I find something to love about them.

I got my letter to myself from AGS back the other day, and it just made me break down. I was so happy. I didn't let myself down. It was a very fulfilling experience, reading what I had hoped for myself and knowing that I've come out of high school right where I wanted to be. Let me copy-pasta this part here...:P

I hope you remember hitting your head on the cieling.

I hope you are still as inspired as you were here.

I hope you remember who you are.

I hope you thank everyone, for everything.

I hope you're still finding more things to l.o.v.e. about life.

I hope you're still learning more music.

I hope you still see the beauty in everyone.

I hope you remember the talent show.

I hope you remember what Gerry Gibson told you.

I hope you change, but only to improve.

I hope you still care.

I hope you still dance.

I hope you still cry.

I hope you smile.

I hope you know what living is.

I hope you miss me.

I hope you remember this.

Remember AGS, and smile, please.

I do, former self, I do.

And though it was really clear to me then that I "see the beauty in everyone", I lost sight of that, but not in the sense that I just started hating people, but that I just stopped actively noticing that I do it.

I'm always talking about things I hate about myself. Things that bother me. My bad habits. Stuff like that. But this is a bit of self-praise I suppose.

I adore the fact that I can find something beautiful within anyone. Even my enemies...I don't really have huge enemies, but you know those people that just annoy you? I know there's still some good in them. I love them for something. Nobody is worthless. Everyone has something beautiful inside of them. Most of us are just very rough around the edges.

As for my capacity for love, I absolutely hate it and love it at the same time. I love the people in my life, SO much. I cannot imagine life without them, and the thought is just terrifying. I never want to lose any of you. The world wouldn't shine as bright without you. I learned that one from Jeff. Hence the reason I walk through life every day with a smile, and try to think about making people happy.

Lately I haven't been so good at that. I hurt someone, and I cannot explain how sorry I am for that. I was way too into my own life for a bit there. I never want to hurt you, ever. I love you.

As for another person...I would call you an "almost" (read way back into the posts...way way back if you don't know what I'm talking about), but honestly, that isn't appropriate for you. We may have never dated, but we had a relationship. Nothing that I can explain to anyone else. You are one of those people who I will love no matter what. I want nothing more for you than for you to be happy. I want you to find, pursue, and catch your dreams someday. I want you to live in bliss. Promise to keep smiling, please.

I love.

It's what I do.