"This is no place to try and live my life"
Why is it that I feel as if I've lost everything again? Including a great portion of my sanity. The absence of one person in my life absolutely astounds me at how much it affects me daily. I'm so different than I used to be. I don't even know that stupid girl that I was. Stupid and naive. The past few weeks have been beautiful. I've met great people, hung out with beautiful people, had great times, but when I get alone, I get to thinking too much. I have an amazing life. I don't take advantage of that fact. I cherish it. But I am sick and tired of it never seeming to be enough when I go to bed feeling a void as I have for a long time now, when at times I feel I couldn't ask for more.
Am I really just insane? I've seriously contemplated that fact over the past few days, actually. I don't think I'm bat-shit crazy, but I don't know. Maybe I just want too much. Maybe I just feel too much. I am an artist, after all :/
Lately, I've just gotten fed up with things not working out right. I get over it, but it's just recurring frustration and selfishness. I ask my friends what I'm doing wrong, and they say it's not me. Apparently it is. I do have faults.
/emokidrageover.
Forgive me for that. x) I really am a happy person most of the time.
On a lighter note, I'm SUPER excited for marching season this year as a Co-captain of flagline! It is going to be absolutely fantastic and delightful. Mr. Trusty is quite the trekkie, just sayin' :P
MUSIC FOR YOUR EARS: "Used to Be" by Beach House. doitdoitdoit.
I have such talented friends, it's really cool. Noel is the best juvenile photographer I know, Godsey and Josh in their respective areas. I love them all :)
"You are coming home, are you still alone? Are you not the same as you used to be?"
buhhh. moar blogs. MOARRR
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are insane...only unsatisfied. And there is nothing wrong with that. You should not feel any guilt for wanting more as long as you don't take advantage of what you have already.
ReplyDeleteAnd as you lay your head down to sleep, your day replays in your head. This is where you have the most time to think about things; it's the time you take to appreciate the good, and to recognize the bad. I realize it's hard to take the constant reminder that there is a void in your life, especially when you can't place it. And that further drives you insane. But are you insane? No...only human.
You aren't alone, and that is the thing to remember. That thought alone should help you sleep when your head hits the pillow.
Time will bring you the right someone to fill that void, just have faith. -Taylor
Taylor, you're alot deeper than I expected.
ReplyDeleteI'll take that as a compliment. =)
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of things people don't often pick up about me at first glance. I love to write, especially poetry.
Everyone has problems...big and small. So why are people ashamed of sharing them? Most people don't embrace their emotions and Learn from them. They are our greatest teachers.
Personally...if someone is as shallow as a puddle, if they are thick/stubborn and stuck-up, I probably don't like that person.
I don't see how anyone cannot be so...impersonal, I just don't get it.
I am ranting now but...you are picking up what I am laying down, so I'll just leave it at that. =D
haha I gotcha.
ReplyDeleteand that's awesome that you write