Relapse.

"Sapphire in my eye, tell me what it's like to be alone tonight!"

I'm going into relapse. The part where I don't stop thinking about you for awhile. Well, yeah, it sucks. I'm really frustrated with the fact that because your girlfriend didn't like it, we aren't as close as we used to be. Well, you don't talk to me so I guess that's an understatement. Yet you seem to find a way into my mind every day, if only for a few minutes. Today, it's been a few hours of racking my brain on how you seemed to just throw away someone you called your best friend for reasons I don't understand in the first place. I don't get it. That's not friendship, but I know it is/was. You'll come around eventually. Whatever. But just so you know, I am extremely proud of you. I love you. (refer to previous post to those of you who are freaking out about that last sentence).

I'm angry tonight, but I'll go back to being happy tomorrow. Good music and good friends are already putting me in a better mood. Screw you.

On the other hand, today was a quite enjoyable day, and I'm super stoked for marching season. Playing in the rain is really quite awesome.

I'm so lucky to have friends that can make me smile by just giving me memories to look back on and smile to myself when I'm having times like this. *coughcough*Nathan Justus*cough* :) Thank you, darling.

Music: "Sapphire" by 5yearsandcounting. You'll have to go to his myspace to hear it, but it's totally worth it. :)

I love you.

Pond Party, YEEEAH!

So, I had the best weekend ever.

End of story. Actually, this is kind of the beginning x). Friday, I worked, and it was okay until I got sick and woke up still sick (Which is why I called into work) Slept awhile, felt better though.

Saturday-The Best Day ever. I bought a battery for my new 35mm camera, then hit a yard sale I had passed a few times. I scored an original Polaroid and a Focus Free Minolta for $3.00. Win. at. Life. Then I picked up Jimmy, and we went to Meghan's place where a beautiful pond was awaiting us and we swam and played in the raft for quite awhile. :) Then Alex showed up and everything was more epic! Later on--Sno-cones and more swimming, then Jimi and Seth came and it was just an amazing group of people all together at once. OH and Meghan read me and Jimmy a story, she's a beautiful storyteller :) Then me and Meghan made friendship bracelets/anklets for each other and now it has blossomed into for all of our friends :D. Then we watched Donnie Darko and fell asleep. Best. Sleepover. Ever.

Sunday- Woke up, went shopping at Grandma's collectibles and found an epic bracelet and charm for my anklet i have to make myself eventually. Then Meghan and I went to the abandoned house and did a small photoshoot on film, then hung out with Grant and Kaitlyn at Cherry park on the merry go round for awhile. 'Twas epic.

And now it is Wednesday and I'm finishing this post. x) Monday was completely awesome--flag practice and then torrential downpour--guess who was outside for a good amount of that storm? It was really great until I found out my dear family friend Mary Nell had passed away the previous night. Today was her funeral and I have decided I have had quite enough of Moore's funeral home for the rest of my life. I miss her and I know she's in a better place. A truly wonderful lady :).

I'm confused beyond belief. I care too much. Why do I know so many tremendously wonderful people? They make me feel like such an asshole when I am just truly indecisive. /sigh.

ANYWAY--

I've decided that starting two days ago, if you're my friend, I'm going to tell you I love you. So if you're of the male sex and I tell you I love you, don't flip. I just realized that lately people really don't show enough appreciation towards the people they care about/care about them the most. I am constantly amazed by how much my friends do for me, intentionally or not, and I feel I owe them at least me saying I love them for all that they are if not more. (which I definitely do owe them more considering I'm broke most of the time). So yeah, be prepared.

OH and my flag trio ensemble for camp with Meagen and Syrena is going to be AMAZING. Because we are WOMEN! Bahaha :) I'm so excited.

Music: "Missing" by Flyleaf. and if you get the chance, watch the video. It is beautiful.

I love you.

Driveway Naps.

"I want a Lover I don't have to love"

Today, I discovered I am an immense flirt. I should probably quit that, or at least tone it down. x) I'm going to get myself into mischief. xDD ! Anyway, I had a pretty good day. Feeling alot better, even though I'm missing someone more than I'd like to. Talking about him does that though. /shrug

Also, I had quite the burst of genius today. My grandfather, or G-Daddy as I call him, (because he's a gangster) used to be a photographer: one of my great interests. I've been wanting to shoot film for awhile now, but I had no device to do so. So today I called him up, and asked if he had a 35mm I could borrow. My awesome G-Daddy says he has about four, and he will let me HAVE it. So now I am the PROUD owner of a Minolta 35 mm. I've got 4 rolls of 400, ready to go :D I will probably post the pictures once I have them developed and scanned and whatnot. I'm super excited.

MUSIC FOR THE EARGASMS: "Lover I don't have to Love" - Bright Eyes.

And by the way, Meghan McFadden is the best frand EVAR. She's a cutie. Also, I almost fell asleep in my driveway today. it was nice.

Used to Be.

"This is no place to try and live my life"

Why is it that I feel as if I've lost everything again? Including a great portion of my sanity. The absence of one person in my life absolutely astounds me at how much it affects me daily. I'm so different than I used to be. I don't even know that stupid girl that I was. Stupid and naive. The past few weeks have been beautiful. I've met great people, hung out with beautiful people, had great times, but when I get alone, I get to thinking too much. I have an amazing life. I don't take advantage of that fact. I cherish it. But I am sick and tired of it never seeming to be enough when I go to bed feeling a void as I have for a long time now, when at times I feel I couldn't ask for more.

Am I really just insane? I've seriously contemplated that fact over the past few days, actually. I don't think I'm bat-shit crazy, but I don't know. Maybe I just want too much. Maybe I just feel too much. I am an artist, after all :/

Lately, I've just gotten fed up with things not working out right. I get over it, but it's just recurring frustration and selfishness. I ask my friends what I'm doing wrong, and they say it's not me. Apparently it is. I do have faults.

/emokidrageover.

Forgive me for that. x) I really am a happy person most of the time.

On a lighter note, I'm SUPER excited for marching season this year as a Co-captain of flagline! It is going to be absolutely fantastic and delightful. Mr. Trusty is quite the trekkie, just sayin' :P

MUSIC FOR YOUR EARS: "Used to Be" by Beach House. doitdoitdoit.

I have such talented friends, it's really cool. Noel is the best juvenile photographer I know, Godsey and Josh in their respective areas. I love them all :)

"You are coming home, are you still alone? Are you not the same as you used to be?"

I really suck at this.

It's been about two weeks since my last post. I don't have time to say much else, but I will post a long rant tomorrow!

aga;lk!

business! i hate it!