6 month mindf**k.

I cannot believe so much has happened in the last six months alone.  It has been insane. Crazy. Stupid. Absolutely stupid.  I remember certain songs, certain people, bridges burned, and new ones built.  I hate to see what I did to some people. Two in particular, Devin and Dylan. I can never be sorry enough for what happened between us. That's all that's really hitting me at the moment. Devin moreso. Because I know he'll never speak to me again because of this huge misunderstanding. I'm just glad that most of us who have been involved in all this crazyness of the last 6 months can be friends, and that we're all happy on our own.

 Life goes on, it moves too fast most of the time, but we've got to learn how to make it last. And now I'm learning, I'm pacing myself, I'm seeing the path in front of me and fighting for every step.  I'm fighting for my dreams, for love, and for happiness, every day.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it just gets the best of us. I'm beginning to understand why this hell of half-a-year has gone by the way it did, and I thought I regret some of the decisions I made, but if I hadn't--I wouldn't be where I am now.  Happy. Absolutely content with life, and thrilled by every day of it.

So here's to the past: I'm sorry for the people I hurt, the bridges I burned with my own selfish desires, and I'm sorry that that's what it took for me to find out where I belong--but if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be where I am, and if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be so much better off without me.  Here's to having purpose within someone else's life.  Here's to changing things you didn't think would ever change. Here's to growing up just to be kids having fun again.  To the growing pains.  To the smiles. To the tears, the overjoyed and the distraught.

Here's to life. Let's not forget to make it last. 

"My Only Regret is Having Regrets"

Yesterday I was in rehearsal for campus band, just like any other Tuesday night.  Playing music I could've performed when we were handed it on the first day. During one of our student director's pieces, Pastorale, I was watching him begin directing, and I found my eyes had welled up with tears.  I remember looking directly into his eyes as he was cue-ing the chimes, and the amount of concentration and passion that was on his face touched me.  Tyler is an amazing director.  I envy him.  Only because I'm not a music major anymore, and the reason it made me cry is the realization that I will never direct the way he does.  I will never have a band/orchestra that I can be proud of when I lower my arms from conducting.
Don't get me wrong, I know I made the right decision in being a Theater major.  I'm doing much better with my grades, and I'm much happier.  The thing is that I keep feeling like I gave up on music, when I know that isn't the case.  I still play, I still sing--I still involve myself in music in any way I can.  I will never stop loving it, whether or not it is my career.  I guess I wish I could just magically learn theory to make it through the classes so I could just skip to the teaching part..but that's not how it works.  With theater, I'm learning so much, and successfully.  I know I'm where I'm meant to be--Just some lingering thoughts.  Makes me think about my connection to August Rush.

this song. 

My best friend is in town, Mrs. Kimberly McGee! :DD I'm so happy it's ridiculous.  I don't know I survived 5 months without her, and when she leaves on Sunday::I'm gonna be a mess. /dkrufaioreghlsk

I've been working on a series with photography, called the Ladies of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  They're based off the founders of the houses of Hogwarts, and makeup designed by yours truly :) Ogle it. I'm very proud of the pictures so far, Lady Slytherin and Hufflepuff have already premiered!  I absolutely adore photography. I can't get over it. SO many ideas.

Also, I adore this wonderful man. Seth Carmical :) I'm still awe-struck at the fact that he is mine--and that's just it.  He is MINE, and I am HAPPY!

I had more to blog about, but it has escaped my memory.  More to come later, I'm sure :P

Text Analysis Thoughts

Razia's Shadow

My dream, my perfect project.
The perfect parallel to my world.
The beauty I see everywhere.
The hope I want to show everyone.
The change I want to set forth.
Everything I'm striving for.
"You were meant to rule the dark, I was meant to see the sun".
"Don't you ever dream of someplace better,where the lights shine brighter?"
OUR TOWN
We are our own antagonists.
TIME is the ultimate antagonist.

Old Black Water, Keep on Rollin'

"Mississippi moon, won'tcha keep on shinin' on me

Oh my god, I am happy. I haven't blogged (here, at least) in a very long time because I've been SUPER busy with school lately, and lots of new things in my life. :) 

The most recent and most wonderful thing to happen to me has a name--Seth Carmical.  To be honest, I never saw this coming, and he is the most pleasant surprise I've gotten to date (ahaaa yes for double entendres). We are "ruthlessly goofy" together, and somehow understand how absurdly weird the other is in a way that never ceases to amaze me.  There's no questioning it.  Not to mention all the friends I've made simply by being in his company.  I love them all (Christian&Puddin'Pie particularly). Love is crazy, and beautiful, and I love it! 

As far as school goes, I'm doing LOADS better than I was last semester.  The theater is my passion and my calling.  I am in love with what I do.  Stage Makeup is probably my favorite class, not only due to the fact that I'm really good at it, it's just a lot of fun.  My professors inspire me every day, and I always find myself smiling after I leave class :) 

Music--Some Nights album by Fun. Do it to it!