A Life

Full of music, feeling, love, beauty, and fashion. A life that is mine.

Monday, October 24, 2011

More Tolstoy Musings

"He would go to his study, lie down, and again be alone with It: face to face with It. And nothing could be done with It except to look at it & shudder."

Something I'm learning right now in life is that we have to face things.

I've been having very vivid, symbolic, & terrifying nightmares over the past three days. After some research, I've discovered that the best interpretation of these dreams is that I am running at full speed away from a certain problem of mine.

Worry. In my dreams, I'm running from what I see as a demon or evil creature.
I run as fast as I can,
stop to catch my breath,
& there it is again.
My worry.
It has enormous claws,
& when I look down at my right arm, the five long gashes down the length of it shock me,
& remind me to run again.

The only time I stop & face it is when it comes near my friends. As soon as I step between this worry & my friends, they run, but it doesn't.

This is terrifying to me.

To be alone with worry.
To be alone with me.

I've realized I have to face It though,
& I'm working on it.

For now,

"Nothing [can] be done with It except to look at it and shudder."

Oct. 18, 2011

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