Dear My Never,

"This is my half-hearted Goodbye, the other half wants to still try, remembering words that you said."

Today I got over you. For good this time. I looked up at my picture mobile and saw the Polaroid of us at Waffle House on Cantrell Ave. in Little Rock--and for the first time after two months, I wasn't sad. I smiled at us. Who we used to be together. We were crazy, that's for sure.

The thing is, when I'm not strong, I think of you. I think of how you used to just look at me, even when I was trying to hide my insecurity/whatever was bothering me, and ask "What's up?" and I'd just let it out--and you understood. You were/are? the first and only? person who has ever understood me in such a way. I miss that. Like I said, I'm not sad anymore...just wistful?

"I'm not strong enough for the both of us, what was I supposed to do? You know I love you"

I miss you being my best friend, you never judged me, and always held me up when I needed you even though you never leaned on me.

I get flashbacks all the time. Especially from the day we met and the first date that followed. I'll never forget that sunset. I couldn't if I tried. I miss seeing you smile. I miss making you smile. I miss Alec and Taylor, too.

Of all things, I want to thank you. You taught me so much. Nobody else will ever sweep me off my feet the way you did, nor let me fall as hard. I crashed when you didn't catch me, broke into a million ugly pieces, and you still called me "beautiful" and did everything in your power to get me back on my feet. You are wonderful. I'm so sorry for the things I said when I was broken, You know I didn't mean it.

"But I guess we let go now

We'll be out on our own

How you always wanted this all out

But now I guess it's too late..."

It used to be that when I would say "I'll always love you" I meant that I didn't think I'd ever get over you. That you would always have my heart.

In a sense, you will always have my heart, but I am over you as in having you as a boyfriend. I'm not over my best friend. I can't lose you like that. Now when I say "I'll always love you" it is more in the sense of I want everything to work out for you. I want you to be happier than anyone else. This post was mostly inspired by the song that gave me the final closure after you told me that "It's over and we're friends :)", "Yours Truly" by Paradise Fears--I believe it expresses exactly what I need to express to you. Hence the reason I asked you to listen to it.

"But my one wish for you is that you find yourself,

don't settle for less or for anyone else.
I pray that you dream like the dreamer I know you can be."

Don't give up, Jared. I love you. Let's be best friends like we should be, kay? :)

Signed,

Yours Truly